Wednesday, May 23, 2012

WHEN IS IT TIME TO KNOW?


By Eden Unger

Last month I wrote about the blur between adult and ‘predult’ literature. Looking at things form the other side has gotten me thinking. Recently, there was a comment on the children’s litserv I joined that there have been some books considered too ‘intense’ for college level readers. That really makes me wonder- what do we consider too intense for younger readers? Is there such a thing?

There is definitely a part of me that says ‘down with censorship!’ of any kind. Living in Egypt, we encounter all manners of censorship that can be detrimental to freedom of learning, reading, and thinking- one big brain ban. Clearly, as a parent, there are things I do not want my younger children reading. My eldest, now seventeen, has a stronger stomach than I do. And now, he can censor what he wants to read. He has learned what works and what doesn’t. For him.



I suppose the question is ‘who gets to choose what is and isn’t right for our children?’ Until our kids can decide from experience, we need to help guide them. With everything else, we need to help our kids be wise readers and learn to make good decisions. But having the government, or even the university, decide for our kids does not make sense. There is the desire to have kids maintain a certain level of innocence- sexual innocence, innocence from cruelties of the world- for as long as possible. We know that, once gone, innocence is really gone. Forever.

Being engaged with kid literature is important. Maybe it’s more important than we realize. I don’t want my kids reading books that tell them what they have to think. Personally, I’d be faster at censoring books that oppress imagination or threaten kids with someone’s rigid morality than books that are irreverent and wacky and help kids think for themselves. But helping kids to select what works means reading along with them. Independence is important, but so is involvement. Every kid is different. Some kids are terrified by Where the Wild Things Are while others are reading Salem’s Lot without a problem. It is important, so we hear, that kids do read things that challenge their sense of safety. Bowdlerized fairytales are not as meaningful as the originals that have lasted for centuries. Kids need skills in life and it is healthy for them to navigate fairytales, real scary weird fairytales, in which people are unjustly oppressed and sometimes good doesn’t look so good. Kids will turn away from what they do not want to read and struggle with things that intrigue and conflict. They need to do that, without being told they are not allowed. But helping them through the experience is what we must do as writers and parents.


I remember when my eldest, at age seven, asked about sex. My husband wisely said that he’d tell, but once you know something, you can’t unknow it and you have to have it in your brain forever. My husband explained that one day, we may have to know all about adult diapers, but, for now, it isn’t something we need to or want to know about- not yet. My son got it. He said he didn’t want to know about sex- not yet. Learning when to know things is the trick. But refusing to discuss or explain is not the answer. Knowing when is.

9 comments:

  1. I don't have children, so I don't have to worry about this kind of thing yet! I do buy lots of books for my nieces and nephews, but I keep them age appropriate. Many of the books I pick out I've read myself, so that helps me decide, and I also consider recommendations from other people with kids the same ages.

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  2. You're exactly right. Really, each person has different levels of what they can handle being in a book. I couldn't read Harry Potter when I was young, or any kind of more intense, scarier books just because of the kind of kid I was. And when you're young, I think it is up to the parents to judge your character and what you're like and try to figure out what you need (or don't need) in a book.

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  3. Personally, as a dad, I allow my kids to read whatever they want. If it's something I'm concerned about, like when my daughter first read Twilight (she was like 14 at the time), then I read it too. So that I can answer any questions they have.

    My opinion is that a child is not going to seek out a book unless there is a reason it has entered their awareness. I can't see my child picking out Mein Kampf or Lolita at the library unless there was a reason she would have heard of them. If there's a reason, regardless of what it might be, then it would be pointless to not allow her to read it, because that topic had already entered her life.

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  4. This is so true: My husband wisely said that he’d tell, but once you know something, you can’t unknow it and you have to have it in your brain forever.

    One of my sons has a very low suspense/scariness tolerance. Lately we've been trying to encourage him to really think before consuming things - whether it be story, media or whatever. I think part of the puzzle is to help kids turn on their own capacity for self-discipline. Rather than posing external limits, helping them to gauge what they might be ready to know/read.

    I also, as you've mentioned, it's good to walk through it with them. Being present while they're experiencing something new can help us better determine whether we're pushing comfort levels in a healthy way or just scaring them to death...

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    1. I am going to make this brief since I have been trying to respond for a week! Our electricity is very intermittent here in Cairo and I did very little on the computer during this last very jet-lagged book tour. The answer is YES, once we know something we simply cannot unknow it. That said, we need to learn things that challenge us, but when is the question. As parents, we can help, but not make decisions for our children. Sometimes (and I'm thinking flying monkeys)things scare us that are nothing to our kids. Sometimes, something we think is scary just isn't. We cannot judge from what scared us as kids since these kids live in a different world. But we can be there for them, and learn, too.

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  5. I think any censorship that happens should up be up to the parents alone. Parents should be involved in their children's entertainment choices (not just books) and help guide them. It's not up to a school or a government or a watch group to decide what's good for my kid. That's up to me. And a good parent will be involved in those choices not just dictate them.

    And it's totally ridiculous to declare that anything is "too intense" for an -adult- in college.

    @Matthew: I'm so sorry you had to read that book.

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  6. Some parents asked me about The Hunger Games and if I thought it was okay for their ten-year-old. Evidently, most of the students in their daughter's class had read it. I suggested that they read it together, so if questions came up or if it was too disturbing for the daughter, they'd be there to guide her. This seemed to work, so I'd say it might be something a parent could do when in doubt about the "appropriateness" of a book for their child.

    I don't like censorship at all. I feel what we or our children read should be left to us.

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  7. What a brilliant post, Eden. I have to say that I fully agree with Matthew. My second grade daughter (who is an advanced reader) decided she wanted to read the Harry Potter series. While I think books 3-7 are a probably a bit strong for her, she WANTS to read them. So we're letting her. Much of the tougher stuff isn't really sinking in, but she's so proud of being able to read them. I wouldn't deny that accomplishment for anything. And like Matthew, I read the same books my older kids do so that I can chat with them about things if I need to.

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    1. Excellent decision, Shannon. My kids will just stop reading something that bothers them. My daughter was anxious when she first started the HP series, but was ready at age 10 to read the whole lot of them. It depends on the kid and being an attentive parent, you understand that.

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Thanks for adding to the mayhem!