I am currently reading this wonderfully imagined novel, A Monster Calls, by Patrick Ness, from an original idea by Siobhan Dowd. I'm not done with it yet, so it may be a bit presumptuous for me to write this post, but I think I know where the story is going. I could be wrong, but that's not really the point.
I'm the father of a young adult, and a middle grader (well, technically Madison is only 10, and not in middle school yet, but she reads above her level). Luckily my children have not had to endure much loss, but loss doesn't always have to be a death in the family. Loss can be moving away from friends, divorce, heck, even summer camp can feel like a temporary loss.
The loss in my own life almost all occurred in those middle grade years. My dad was out of the picture when I was ten. My mom died when I was eleven. Then, just to make things worse, my aunts and uncles decided to separate me from my older sister when they determined our living situations, in their infinite wisdom. Yeah, needless to say, I was a messed up, angry kid.
But I managed to survive. Loss hurts like salt in an open wound at first, but eventually it simply becomes part of who you are. The trick is getting through that first part. One of the best ways to get through the hard part is to escape into stories. Storytelling has a magical ability to heal, or at least to give you solace from the storm, when things are at their worst. Movies, TV, theater, all these venues for telling stories are great, but none of them really compare to books.
Books can take you anywhere, and sometimes where you need to be is very far away from where you are. Middle Earth. Narnia. Krynn. Westeros. There are so many places full of so much wonder and beauty in books, it can make the pain of real life seem less ... sharp, for a time.
But then there are also books that face the harsh truth of this topic head on. Books like A Monster Calls, that deftly look the pain of suffering dead in the face, and show with courage that life goes on.
I'm glad my children haven't had to endure much loss in their lives, but if they did, I'd be sure to share books like this with them. Or books like Danny, Champion of the World, by Roald Dahl, or Wintergirls, by Laurie Halse Anderson, or Yummy: The Last Days of a Southside Story, by Greg Neri, or The Deathday Letter, by Shaun David Hutchinson, or even, Marley and Me, by John Grogan.
What books about loss and grief, or even just to help one through loss and grief, would you recommend for young readers?
I actually did share books like this with my own kids, even though they hadn't lived through similar situations themselves. It opened the doors to reflection and discussion, and, I think, to a certain level of empathy for others that might not have been there otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the books I felt really strongly about in high school was "Sabriel" by Garth Nix. My dad died when I was 13, and in the book, Sabriel is 18 and has to deal with the death of her father and taking up his mantle.
ReplyDeleteIn the book, she actually gets a chance to say goodbye before he sacrifices himself, and he gets to tell her that he loves her. I really wished I had the chance to do the same.
Matthew you're breaking my heart hearing about your loss!
ReplyDeleteI love WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS. Bawled like a baby the first time I read it. About a boy and his dogs.
I'm fortunate to not have had 'major' losses in my life. My husband has, and it wasn't easy. Honestly I had not read a book about loss in my life. I think I'd break down before I opened it, but I will keep A Monster Calls in my mind. Perhaps it would be good to discuss with the kids.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what book I'd recommend though loss is in many books though it may not the central theme.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to the issues of loss. My daughter and I have gone through the loss of my dad and my sister and going through a lot of very serious illnesses with my husband. Though they are hard, she, like you, seems to be surviving them. Life is sometimes hard.
Bridge to Terabithia is an amazing read that deals with loss. I cry every time I read it.
ReplyDeleteYou won't be disappointed by the ending. It's a bloody good book.
ReplyDeleteAnd it mostly comprises the entirety of my MG/YA knowledge, so I can't help much with the question.
But I'll definitely second the brilliance (and beauty) of this book.
I can't think of any right now besides Harry Potter, which work with that issue very well.
ReplyDeleteBut speaking of loss, this book was written by Ness because Dowd died at 47. She wrote two award-winning books and was working on more when she ran out of time. That's a loss for us all.
I'm not sure if I've read many books about the loss of a loved one. The only one that comes to mind is TWENTY BOY SUMMER by Sarah Ockler. It's one of my favorite YA contemp novels. I cry every time I read it.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend Dickens' Oliver Twist - loss, love, redemption, family. Lovely!
ReplyDeleteTake care
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The most recent example I can think of is "The Golden Sky."
ReplyDeleteThis was a really poignant piece, great job!
ReplyDeleteIn my book "The Man in the Cinder Clouds" there's a 16-year-old boy who just lost his parents and has to try to take care of his 8-year-old sister...and he has an uncle trying to rob him of his inheritance. As these two kids struggle to take care of each other, their cousin, who is accomplice to their uncle's deeds, must come to terms with his own conscience and determine right from wrong.
Ultimately the story has an opening for a revenge thread, but opts for redemption. It's presented in a way kids (and adults) can relate to.
We have had a lot of loss this past year. We moved back to my home town because my mother had cancer and my father had Alzheimers. They both died. So my children have dealt with the loss of moving (home, school,friends) and the loss of their only grandparents. My ten year old also reads above her level but she is an escapist like me, in terms that when she is grieving she doens't want to read about other people grieving, she wants to escape to a place where that is not happening. But, in terms of books about it, there is a Dewey book which is a true story about a cat that was a stray and ended up living in a library. The whole book isn't about it but the ending is well the ending. So my suggestion at your own risk of crying ( my daughter finished it at school and the teacher called me because she was crying so hard) is Dewey:The small-town library cat who Touched the World. As you may have guessed, I haven't actually read it.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading a YA novel, Willow by Julia Hoban. One of the main themes in the book is the loss of her parents.
ReplyDeleteI can't think of any books right off that deal in a serious way with loss. I am wanting to read that book though and like you, I was an avid escapist practically from the time I learned how to read. Unhappiness/divorce can do that to you.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Matt--and some great suggestions in the comments. Bridge To Terabithia is certainly a bawler, and I was a puddle reading the later Harry Potter books to my 8-year-old. So much loss in those.
ReplyDeleteA lyrical look at a young girl's loss is Suzanne LaFleur's Love, Aubrey.
Beautiful post. Both Bridge to Terabithia and Where the Red Fern Grows are wonderful for that age. Sounder was another one that was very profound for me as a kid. I also loved the classic fairy tales and folk tales. Somehow everyone in them had it harder than me - haha!
ReplyDeleteWe moved a lot when I was growing up, and I always found "friends" and continuity in books, so I definitely agree. Stories that help escape or stories that help us deal with the very real truth of loss and death and grieving are so, so important!
So many good ones have already been mentioned. I cried my heart out when I read JULIE OF THE WOLVES. Henry Neff's TAPESTRY SERIES, specifically book three, THE FIEND AND THE FORGE, deal with some issues of loss. In book three, the main character loses both his father and his special animal.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne LaFleur's LOVE, AUBREY and Kathryn Erskine's MOCKINGBIRD are moving and beautiful MGs about loss.
ReplyDeleteWALK TWO MOONS by Sharon Creech. Beautiful book, and I cried my eyes out. In a good way. One of the best books I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteI really liked Breadcrumbs by Anne Ursu. The MC, Hazel, is dealing with her parent's divorce and her neighbor, Jack, is dealing with his mom's depression. Hazel is also dealing with a change in her friendship to Jack. I just loved this book and what a brave, true friend Hazel is.
ReplyDeleteOne more. It's a verse novel, so extra special to me: HUGGING THE ROCK by Susan Taylor Brown.
ReplyDeleteOh boy...I don't have any book recommendations so I'll bow out and let the ladies handle this one.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your traumatic experiences in your formative years. However, one good thing came out of it. You ended up a handsome man. At least you can look in the mirror and say, "Damn...who is that sexy man staring back at me? Yeah...you all want a piece a this."
A truly beautiful post, Matt. Thanks for sharing this part of you.
ReplyDeleteWhen my father died, my mom struggled to explain this to a 10 and 12 yr old. She got a book call The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. It's too "easy" to be a YA book. I'd say it's squarely in the "child" zone. But it still has such a special place in my heart.
I've heard many good things about A Monster Calls. I'm just not sure I can handle the emotional toll of the story.
Matt, this is a beautiful and courageous post. In addition to the books mentioned above, I recommend Sara Zarr's latest, HOW TO SAVE A LIFE. It is a stunning, beautiful book.I said this once after a post of Andrew's, and I will say it again: Wounds don't make sense. They make stories.
ReplyDeleteThis was such an emotional post! Two books for young readers that come to mind are Where the Red Fern Grows (already mentioned), Old Yeller and also The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane.
ReplyDeleteAs with your last few posts this one is sensitive and caring. You're definitely one of the good guys. Sharing those hard experiences is...
ReplyDeletehi mr matthew. thats a real nice and caring post. for me when my dad died and then my mom i couldnt never read a book bout dying. mostly i just liked happy books cause i wanted to be happy and not cry. for sure books are a big help for when you lose someone you love. i still didnt read a book like that so i dont have any to tell you about.
ReplyDelete...hugs from lenny
So touching and well written, thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteIt may seem strange but the book that helped me deal with loss and grief was The Giver by Lois Lowry.
I read Black Beauty and Heidi when my beloved grandfather died. I was ten years old at that time. He and I had talked a lot, but I never got to hear all those stories in his past. Those two books made it easier to handle the loss, they took me away to a nicer place.
ReplyDeleteAt that age, your first brush with death in someone you love - critter or human - hits you harshly. You are aware enough at ten, if you haven't been overly sheltered, to know when things aren't right.
Separating siblings isn't ever a good thing to do. My condolences, Matt. My hubby had to put up with inconsiderate parents who left him and his brother alone for a week at a time. That would be considered abuse today.
Heart-felt post, Matt, thanks for sharing.
I would recommend the books by Jean Genet, in particular The Thief's Journal, and The Miracle of the Rose. He has quite some interesting stuff to tell ... but maybe more for an adult reader >:)
ReplyDeleteCold As Heaven
No idea! I never experienced major loss as I kid. I just read to escape.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Matt. I would second Caroline's recommendation of Love, Aubrey and add The Sky Is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson and If I Stay by Gayle Foreman.
ReplyDeleteI think I would be doing myself a disservice not to suggest The House on the Corner. The House on the Corner doesn't actually deal with these issues to any great extent, but it sets up for the coming sequel, Brother's Keeper, which does.
ReplyDeleteLoss at any age is tough - loss in those years is so tough. We all need that help.
ReplyDeleteLots of good ones have been mentioned - I'd add Gathering Blue and if I remember correctly Pinballs and Adam & Eve & Pinch Me both deal with kids without parents too.
I'm glad Lenny posted up above, because I think in some cases people need more of the escapism to deal with loss, or as you say "sometimes where you need to be is very far away from where you are." That is beautifully stated and exactly the way I felt when my father died. I spent the next year mostly reading epic fantasy, and it helped. I didn't want to read anything too real.
ReplyDeleteThe Bridge to Terabithia was a good book dealing with death and guilt, whether deserved or not. That's a challenge that some kids take upon themselves--a sense of responsibility for whatever is happening. Good books to help them put in perspective.
ReplyDeleteI will never EVER EVER forget the book "I am David," by Anne Holm. Wow. I mean, this puts you into a mean mean world of a twelve year old boy given the chance to escape a prison camp. On. His. Own. You must read it. Here's the Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/I-Am-David-Anne-Holm/dp/0152051600
ReplyDeleteAnother vote for Bridge to Terabithia. I've heard such good things about A Monster Calls--will have to pick up a copy.
ReplyDeleteI recommend Cynthia Rylant's MISSING MAY. Very touching. It's a keeper.
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