Fast-paced. Gripping. A page turner. “I couldn’t put it
down.” Why do some books get these comments, while others are called slow or
flat?
Characters, plot, setting, and theme are all part of pace. But
once you have a fast-paced draft, you can pump up the pace even more by
focusing on the line-by-line level. In fact, relatively minor changes in
sentence structure and paragraphing can make a scene much more dramatic. A page
that is one solid block of text looks dull and intimidating. On the other hand,
with short paragraphs the reader’s eyes move more quickly down the page, giving
a sense of breathless speed. The book literally becomes a page turner because
the reader finishes each page so quickly. This means you can make action scenes
more dramatic by using short paragraphs.
Here’s an example from my middle grade mystery, The Eyes of Pharaoh. Seshta is on the
roof, spying down a stairwell. When someone comes up the stairs, she must
escape.
She glanced back at the stairwell. She didn’t have much
time.
Seshta turned and lowered herself over the edge of the roof
until she hung from her elbows, her legs scraping against the wall.
From the stairwell, a head rose into view.
Seshta let go and fell.
Imagine all that in one paragraph. It wouldn’t have the same
pace.
Sentence length affects pace as well. Short sentences have a
different rhythm from long ones. Long sentences can feel leisurely, while short
ones have blunt impact – the difference between a hug and a slap. You want a
variety of sentence and paragraph lengths, because if everything is the same the
story will feel clunky or sluggish. But save the longer sentences and
paragraphs for description and introspection, and use short sentences and short
paragraphs for maximum impact in action scenes.
Here’s another example from The Eyes of Pharaoh. This is the end of a chapter where Seshta is
waiting for a friend who is supposed to bring important news.
Ra, the sun god, carried his fiery burden toward the western
horizon. Horus caught three catfish. A flock of ducks flew away quacking. Dusk
settled over the river, dimming shapes and colors until they blurred to gray.
The last fishing boats pulled in to the docks, and the fishermen headed home.
But Reya never came.
The long paragraph of description conveys time passing
slowly. Putting the last short sentence into its own paragraph gives it added
emphasis, causing it to seem more important and ominous.
Print your story or a chapter of your novel and look at your
paragraphing. Don’t read it, just see how it looks on the page. Do you have
variety, or is everything about the same length? Do you favor short paragraphs
or long ones?
Now look closer. Do you have long paragraphs of action,
where several things are happening within one paragraph? Consider breaking that
into shorter paragraphs, starting a new one for each small piece of action, as
in the first example above.
Look at your chapter endings, especially when you have
cliffhangers. Can you break your paragraphs into smaller pieces for more drama?
Can you shorten your sentences? How does the feel of the section change as you
play with sentence and paragraph length? Note the difference between even small
changes in wording and punctuation. For example, compare these unpublished
examples:
I heard a noise and looked up with a gasp in time to see a
huge rock tumbling toward me.
I heard a noise above my head. I looked up and gasped.
A boulder tumbled toward me.
It’s almost hard to follow the action in the first example,
because too much happens in one sentence. Shorter sentences clarify the action
and give each piece more impact.
You can do this exercise with published books as well. Note
sections that are poorly paced and try rewriting them to see how things change
as you vary the structure.
Master pacing, and keep those pages turning.
Chris Eboch’s novels for ages nine and up include The Eyes of Pharaoh, a mystery in
ancient Egypt; The Well of Sacrifice,
a Mayan adventure; The Genie’s Gift,
a middle eastern fantasy; and the Haunted series, about kids who travel with a
ghost hunter TV show, which starts with The
Ghost on the Stairs. Learn more at www.chriseboch.com or her Amazon page
Her writing craft books include You Can Write for Children: How to Write Great Stories, Articles, and
Books for Kids and Teenagers, and Advanced
Plotting. Check out her writing tips at her Write
Like a Pro! blog.
Photo: The Horse in Motion by Eadweard Muybridge.
This media file is in the public
domain in the United
States.
Great examples. I will definitely pay attention to paragraphing and sentence lengths when I finish my first draft and go into revision mode.
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